After signing the oddly popular minor league washout Lawrence Richardson to a minor league contract earlier in the offseason, the Seattle Monarchs front office began to hear some disturbing rumors about his background and the cause for his popularity.
Today, the Monarchs took the unusual step of publicly announcing that they had concluded their probe and nothing was turned up. "Really, guys, we found absolutely nothing," said Monarchs Owner/GM Mack Shultz, as he fidgeted and his eyes shifted nervously. "Certainly nothing that would reflect poorly on his prior employer, the Los Angeles Scorpions. Nope. No sirree. Nothing found."
In purportedly unrelated news, the Seattle Monarchs today announced that they had acquired the tenth round pick of the Los Angeles Scorpions for the princely sum of $1.00. While the Scorpions clearly are counting every penny to afford free agent and soon-to-be tycoon John Grondin, this trade has caused more than a few eyebrows to be raised league-wide.
"Of course, the trade has NOTHING to do with the Richardson probe. How could you even insinuate that we would bury the bodies in exchange for a tenth round draft pick," said Shultz with less than convincing outrage. "We got it as part of a bet that Scorpions owner Michael Weintraub and I made about a fictional baseball league. My made-up team, the Seattle Mariners, took two games out of three from his made up team, the Philadelphia Phillies. This proved the Mariners were clearly better than the Phillies, and earned me the draft pick. That's why this trade was made. Certainly not to cover up Richardson's reported past as a mob enforcer supporting Michael's business dealines. Definitely not that."
In other news, the Los Angeles Scorpions are reportedly fleeing the jurisdiction of California ... um ... "moving the franchise" before next season.
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