Saturday, May 26, 2012

Seattle Sheds Star Shortstop

In a shocking transaction, the Seattle Monarchs today sent star shortstop Richard Bender to rival Saskatoon.  In return for the third-ranked shortstop in the game, Seattle received only Saskatoon's first and fourth round picks in the upcoming draft.

Questions immediately swirled.  Why would Seattle deal a critical cog in its lineup?  Had Bender, a known gourmand, literally eaten himself out of Seattle?  Had one of Bender's pieces of arm candy filed a complaint against him?  Why was he traded?  Seattle Owner/GM Mack Shultz, normally loquatious, grunted only, "We're always trying to improve the organization and saw an opportunity here."  While Ivan Castillo was impressive in his rookie season, filling Bender's shoes as a full-time starter (albeit at second base with Hukill sliding to shortstop) will be a very tall order.

Rumors followed closely on the heels of the trade announcement.  Apparently Bender has been marketing exciting investment opportunities to teammates.  Unfortunately, the exciting investment opportunities were oil and gas leases for land without any petroleum reserves.  Teammates were swindled out of hundreds of thousands if not millions of dollars.  Shultz, when he found out about this, decided to send Bender to the most god-forsaken place he could find.  Saskatoon promptly came to mind and the deal was quickly hatched.

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