Thursday, June 19, 2014

Former Seattle Prospect Killed In Bizzare Game Assault

The sports world was shocked today, when 49ers defensive end and former Monarchs prospect George Webb was killed in his first NFL game at Seattle's CenturyLink Stadium. 

The rookie defensive end for the San Fransisco 49ers was lined up at the line of scrimmage against the Seattle Seahawks for the first play of his NFL career.   He was booed heavily by the Seattle fans as he stepped out onto the field.

"Perhaps having him start in Seattle was a mistake," reflected 49ers head coach Al Markin.  "I mean, I know the fans were looking forward to seeing him in a Monarchs uniform one day, but I didn't think anything of it."

When asked if he had any concern when the cheering in the stands rose to deafening levels when "Kill Webb!! Kill Webb!!" was displayed on the jumbo screen, Markin said "Nah, I didn't think too much of it.  Happens all the time, after all."

Opposite Webb on the field was the famed Seattle offensive line of James "Killer" Crusher, Ted "Theodore" Bundy, Craig "Juggernaut" Zbornack, Tommy "Kill-em-And-Rip-Their-Arms-Off" Marks and "Big, Mean and Ugly" Pete Gramkin.

"Hell, I'm a huge Monarchs fan," said Gramkin.  "If I didn't weigh 450 pounds, I might have tried out for the Monarchs.  I live, eat and breathe the Monarchs.  This football thing is just a side gig to earn some money so I can buy Monarchs' T-shirts and memorabilia.  Nobody in this town really likes any other sport -- it's really all about the Monarchs.  Thank heavens baseball has an off-season, or else I'd be out of work."

On the first snap of the game, as soon as the ball was snapped to the Seahawks quarterback, the offensive line rushed forward in unison towards Webb.  The terrified defensive end started to retreat from the offensive line, but was not fast enough.  Before he knew it, he was buried under the offensive linemen.  As the play ended and the refs threw down the penalty flag, Crusher and Bundy held Webb down while Marks ripped off Webb's arm and beat him to death with it.

The crowd cheered wildly as Marks continued beating the dead 49ers with his own arm.  After a minute or so, Marks ran off the field and jumped into his new car, purchased at Hubbard Motors and sped off.

The refs issued a ten yard penalty to the Seahawks.

"Personally, I'm glad it happened," said Seattle fan Shack Multz.  "He was a disgrace to this town.  If only he weren't just a collection of ones and zeros on a hard drive somewhere."


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