Brick, Wilmington Announce Trade

Brick Barracudas have traded their 8^th round selection in the 2031 amateur draft to the Wilmington Atlantics for shortstop Juan Moran, currently with Wilmington's rookie-league affiliate in Glendale.

Moran could not be reached for comment as he hurriedly packed up his cramped apartment.

Brick GM Fred Goldfarb was reportedly ecstatic at having pulled off this trade, calling Moran “our most important acquisition in the past ten years.” The Atlantics arranged a press conference of their own. Speaking in front of a two hundred foot long banner inscribed “Mission Accomplished!!!!”, Kerner touted his many accomplishments since taking over two months ago, such as the time he acquired an 8^th round draft pick in a trade, and announced plans to build a wall completely around the outfield to keep unauthorized relief pitchers from entering the field of play without permission.

Moran's shocked teenaged teammates quickly took to social media to voice their disapproval. Left fielder Victor Samuels tweeted “OMG they tradd Moran ths team sux #traddme #yolo”. Center Fielder Bartolo Rosa, posting a 15 paragraph rant on his official facebook account, called for a boycott of Wilmington's rookie league affiliate and all of its advertisers. As of press time, Rosa's post had garnered 4 “likes”, two “sad faces” and one “angry face.”

Kerner responded by pointing out that the club had arranged to have therapy dogs on hand to console the grieving Glendale players in a special “safe space” hastily set up behind the left field bullpen. Several players were rumored to have contacted nearby college administrators to report having been “triggered” by the event, despite the fact that none of the players actually attends college.

Earlier in the day, Glendale shortstop Walt Cross tweeted “good, more pt for me lol #dontletthedoorhityou” but later deleted the tweet, claiming his account had been hacked and that any suggestions that he was happy to see a fellow shortstop leave town were simply “fake news.”