Trade at the Confluence: Ohio and River Cities

Dateline: Marietta 3/15/09

In a move that stunned the world of the northwest territory this afternoon, River Cities and Ohio swapped young pitchers and pieces of flotsam.

Leaving the confluence of the Ohio and Muskingum rivers to go to the confluence of the Ohio and Muskingum rivers is River Cities #1 overall prospect starting pitcher Bruno Talamantez and back up infielder Matthew Rodrigue. Coming to Marietta from Ohio is catching prospect Bell and starting pitcher Danny Andrews.

Reached for comment at his secluded villa, surrounded by pretty girls of questionable age, River Cities owner Nate Wooley declared, "Losing Bruno hurts. Anytime you trade the top prospect in the game it requires some thought. But it was worth it to lose Rodrigue. I mean, for God's sake, what happened to the damn last 'z' on the guys name? How do you trust a player like that? You can't."

Reached for comment while packing, Rodrigue exclaimed, "Fuck that guy, anyway. Who the hell does he think he is? The guy who demoted me last year? I stand by my comment."

Talamantez, meanwhile, claims he's hoped his new location would have a drinking age low enough for him to buy beer. Told he was only moving 20 yards to another Ohio stadium he declared, "Crap. Now I'm going to have to get those kids at Marietta College to buy for me."

New Ohio owner, David Locke, commented, "I'm glad to broken my cherry in a trade that will potentially help both teams. And by the way, did I mention the free kegs of beer in the Ohio clubhouse?" Locke went on to add, "We'll continue to try to beef up our middle-infield defense and we're willing to entertain reasonable trade proposals from all other teams in the league."