Seattle Trades Three Titans

Mack Shultz, Owner/GM of the Seattle Monarchs, announced his irritation, as he announces all emotions, with a trade. "Here we are, 59-25, and feeling great," said Shultz. "Best record in baseball. But then I caught sight of the AAA standings page. 61-22? 61-22? Those stupid Tacoma Titans are trying to upstage my Monarchs. So, I traded away three starters between two separate deals. We'll see if they feel so smug about their record now."

Shortstop Manuel Perez and rightfielder Forrest Spracklin will join the Shackamaxon organization in exchange for infield prospect Norman "The Paladin" Kuhn.

Meanwhile, centerfielder Pedro Martinez is heading to sunny Maui, where he will presumably replace the injured Reijiro Kondo, who is out for the season. In exchange, Seattle will receive minor-league reliever Nathan Inman and a second-round pick next year.

"Yeah, they're happy now with their snooty record now," laughed Shultz." Let's see how they do down three starters." Shultz then swept out of the roon, leaving Director of Player Personnel Michael Shultz to answer any questions

Michael Shultz explained how the organization feels as though it will be able to replace the missing talent, adding the newly signed first baseman Ki-chun Kang, AA outfielder Maximo Rodriguez, and top reserve outfielder Manuel Carmona to the Titans' starting line-up. Promising outfielder Lucio Muniz is being moved from A to AA to fill Rodriguez's slot.

This reporter asked why the AAA club had been targeted, when the AA Olympia Olygarchs and A Kent Kings also had better records then the parent club. "Shhhhh!" urged Michael Shultz. "The old man hasn't seen that yet and we're keeping the information from him. Who knows who he'd ship out if he finds out."

Shackamaxon's Michael Weintraub was asked whether the acquisition of a young shortstop, likely ready to start next year in the majors, meant that long-time star Ricky Peppers would not be re-signed and will instead leave via free agency. Weintraub would not answer, but Peppers hot start likely has't diminished his asking price.

Maui's Matt Macario could not be reached for comment. Reportedly terrified to face the press, Macario has been holed up in his palacial compound.