Seattle Still Hot with Trade Fever

May 15, 2017 - SEATTLE (AP) - The Seattle Monarchs continued their run of trades today, dealing yet another infielder away. This time though, the cupboard appeared to be starting to run bare as they had to dip down to AA to make their latest move. Seattle sent AA second baseman Luis Romero and a briefcase with $1 million in small, unmarked bills to Saskatoon in exchange for AAA outfielder Guo-ning Qiao.

Why was this deal made? Nobody really knows, although speculation has centered around two theories. The first is that the Seattle front office wants to move star outfield prospect Pedro Martinez to right field, in preparation for his long-term role in the major leagues, and that the Tacoma Titans lack anyone else on the roster capable of playing centerfield.

The second theory arises from the rumor that Seattle Owner/GM Mack Shultz greatly regrets the trade that sent Qiao to Saskatoon in the first place. Sources indicate Shultz goes into a tirade whenever anyone mentions the trade, insisting that he is "the Architect of Lopsided Trades, but in MY favor" and that he would never have made such a horrible, horrible trade. Shultz has been known, however, to be at a loss for words when asked to explain Thomas Cohen's continued presence on Saskatoon's roster. Under this theory, underlings in the front office traded to recover Qiao to permit Shultz to continue to delude himself about the fateful 2015 trade that handed the Cecil Cup to the invaders from Saskatoon.